Harmony in the Chaos: Moms, Emotions, and the Art of Calmly Navigating Your Child’s Emotional Storms

Imagine that you are making breakfast for the kids. You have all the ingredients ready, and you’re in the process of getting it started. The kids come downstairs and ask, “What’s for breakfast?”. You tell them, “I’m making biscuits with turkey sausage and fruit.” All of a sudden you hear a huge cry, and one of them starts saying, “Aww man, but I don’t want that.”

What do you feel? Disappointed, upset, a little angry? Or do you feel like giving in and getting your kid whatever they want?

I don’t know if this happens to you, but this happens a lot in my house. Everyone feels the need to tell me what they don’t want to eat. When I am either in the middle of making it already or have everything out and ready to cook.

I immediately feel an intense feeling of not being able to satisfy and give them what they want. I feel frustrated and almost like I want to give in and just say eat what you want.

But that would be me just giving up and giving in to a tantrum just to calm the storm. Is that really helping anyone? In my opinion no. It makes me feel as if I can’t do enough, and that they can complain to actually get their way. Which in my house won’t work.

As moms it can be very hard to control our emotions and deal with their big emotions at the same time. Today I will talk about strategies to help during these times and some advice on how to deal with everyone’s emotions.

Strategies to help manage everyone’s emotions.

As a mom who was not taught how to regulate her own emotions growing up, learning how to teach my children to navigate their emotions and my own all at the same time can get overwhelming. I’ve had to learn how to control my anger, sadness, and grief while trying to calm the kids down at the same time.

I am no expert, and I am still learning how to do this efficiently to this day. I have four little one’s ages 1-6 and it can be hard trying to get through a tantrum. Sometimes they all have big emotions at the same time and sometimes it’s just one. But rarely is it ever just one.

With that being said, I have some strategies that will help you navigate that rollercoaster of emotions. Here they are:

1. Self regulate
2. Setting healthy boundaries
3. Timeout for moms

Self-regulation

Self-regulation is very important for us as moms, because we cannot calm a situation down by being in the same emotions as our children. So, if they are upset and throwing a huge fit, we can’t show how mad or anxious we truly are to get them to stop and calm down. We have to stay calm and show them the correct way to manage emotions.

Some examples of this are:

1. Deep breathing
2. Mindful Pauses
3. Positive self-talk
4. Practicing empathy
5. Using humor
6. Creating a support system

Out of this list I have done 4 of these. Deep breathing helps tremendously. It can help you release built up anxiety or anger before you explode. This is truly a tried-and-true method. Taking pauses and thinking about what you say before you say it will help save hurting someone’s feelings or saying something you will regret later.

I’m not sure about you but before I realized I needed to manage emotions I would let whatever I wanted to come out of my mouth, without realizing the damage I could have been doing. Now it takes a lot to get me up there, but when I do it was not the best way to calm a situation. It’s hard trying to regulate everything.

I also empathize with the kids but that doesn’t always work for me. I tell them I understand why you’re feeling that way. I used to feel that way too and try to figure out ways to get them to a happier state of mind. Sometimes by letting them know maybe one day they can do “this” or explaining how it’s okay to feel that way but let’s look at the brighter side.

That doesn’t work with my 2-year-old at the moment. From him I get, “NO YOU DON’T”. Meaning I don’t understand. So, with him I try to be humorous. I try to make him laugh and get his mind off what could be bothering him. I might do a silly face or try to tickle him. This usually works. If it doesn’t, I let him know that I am here for him and ask if he wants to help me out in the kitchen or with whatever I’m doing.

The other ways that were mentioned are also great ways to help keep your emotions in check. Reminding yourself that you are a great mom, and that you can handle any situation in a calm manner. You are a child of God, and he will help you through all things. Even these big emotions with your kiddos. So, remind yourself who you are and choose love.

Creating a support system could be helpful as long as they know how to regulate their emotions. You don’t want to take advice from someone who doesn’t have kids and who doesn’t know how to handle their own.

Setting healthy boundaries

At first when starting this journey of regulating emotions, I had no idea that I wasn’t setting boundaries. Of course, we know that kids shouldn’t hit or throw things when they are having those big emotions. At least we should. But I didn’t know about positive reinforcement or talking in age-appropriate language.

Of course, I’m not spewing adult “bad” words at my kids, but I wouldn’t get on their level and talk to them in a way they could understand. Tailoring to each age is a struggle. When my oldest can understand and my 1-year-old is looking at me like what? Learning how to talk to each kid at their age level is a tremendous help.

For ages 1-3 you are going to want to simplify your language and use short simple sentences. Use calm tones and gestures and redirect their attention to something else. Ages 3-5 you want to validate their feelings offer simple choices of ways to calm down, and/or show them pictures of emotions so they can better communicate with you how they feel.

Ages 6-12 we need to encourage them to express themselves through words, teach them deep breathing, and how to problem solve the issue at hand. This is helpful for each stage because each age is different and communicates differently.

Next for setting healthy boundaries is to define clear expectations. What is appropriate and what is not. Throwing toys, hitting, and stomping are just a few examples that we don’t allow in our home. You never really think to tell them this until it happens. After everything is calm you let them know that if they have big emotions again this is not allowed.

Another way to set boundaries is to empathize but enforce. So let them know that you understand them, and you feel for them, but they have to be held to a higher standard when it comes to expressing their feelings. Example, “I see you are upset but we don’t throw our toys.” After you tell them that you take the toy and put it away for a little while depending on the age.

Two more ways to set healthy boundaries are to practice time ins and positive reinforcement. When you see your child feeling upset or overwhelmed instead of sitting them in time out, sit down with them and play or talk with them to let them know you are there for them and they can count on you.

Now don’t get me wrong sometimes time out is necessary, but we usually don’t leave them in time out for too long. As they get older it gets longer, but we always explain why they were there and how to fix it the next time. For the littlest one he doesn’t get put in time out, I’ve noticed that being there and just playing with him helps.

There are a lot of voices in our home so sometimes it’s nice to play with each one to make sure they feel noticed and heard.

Positive reinforcement. This is one that I had trouble with. I started to force myself to pay attention and notice when they were doing good things and reacting in a great manner. I will tell them, “That was a great way of handling that” or “that was awesome what you did.” Just so they know I don’t only pay attention to the negative and that I see them trying to do their part.

Time Out for moms

This is a big one. Sometimes us moms need a break from all the commotion and chaos. If you get to feeling overwhelmed or just over the top with your emotions. Tell your kids that you need a few minutes to get yourself together and come back.

Depending on the ages of our kids and if we have the help to watch the little ones the time away may only be 3-5 minutes. But regardless of how much time you have, take it. Get your deep breathing on and pray. Say your positive self-talks and calm yourself down.

After you’ve done that, you can go back out to the chaos and calm that situation down. I know that if you are upset or angry it’s going to be harder to calm them down.

In conclusion

At the end of the day, it is all a journey. Mom life, regulating emotions, and raising young humans. It can get overwhelming on some days momma but remember God wouldn’t give you anything you can’t handle. You are equipped and can get through the tough times. Pay attention to when you need a time out and to when your children need you the most. Always respond in a calm fashion, if you can because I know that’s a challenge, and remember nothing will ever be perfect.

You’ve got this! Happy living to you and your beautiful family.