Motherhood in a Nutshell

Today is all about motherhood. How exhausting it can be, while also being one of the most important jobs on the planet. I’m not only going to talk about the ugly side of motherhood, but also the bright side and how being a mom is Kingdom work. Motherhood is way too broad to list everything here. One thing it is, is every womans own experience. Hence motherhood in a nutshell. Let’s dive in.

Motherhood.

Motherhood is way more than the simple definition found on Google. They say, “Motherhood is the state of being a mother.” This definition sure doesn’t give us enough foundation to understand exactly what motherhood is. For someone who really wants to know what being a mother is like that definition would leave you with nothing to go off of or really even to think about.

So let me give you a rundown of what motherhood really is. Motherhood is comforting others while feeling uncomfortable. It’s putting your needs to the side to care for others. It’s watching your babies grow into preteens, praying they are listening to your wise words. Motherhood is wanting to spend all day with your children while also needing space. Motherhood brings out characteristics in you that you didn’t even know you had. It can show you where you need to improve, while also holding you accountable.

Now these are only a glimpse of what motherhood is like. If you can’t tell motherhood is a roller coaster. You will experience every emotion there is. You will also cherish and save majority of the experience because you know this special time is only for a moment. Motherhood is anything but easy. Motherhood is worthwile.

The struggle is real

Being a mom certainly has its up and downs. Bringing forth life is one of the most beautiful experiences that no one will be able to take from you. Having your own children can give you a sense of purpose. Knowing that you have someone looking up to you and relying on you to show them the way can be a rewarding feeling. It can also feel intimidating, overwhelming, and bring on anxiety. Like I mentioned before motherhood is a mix of emotions, a rollercoaster. There are ways to handle the overwhelm and anxiety through breathing techniques, taking 5 min breaks, self-care days, and so much more. Check out this article for more.

Some of the struggles I go through as a mom of 4 boys are dealing with the mental load, mom guilt, being in survival mode, and feeling like the default parent.

Mental load

The mental load of a mom is heavier than sack of potatoes. All the different things we have to remember, dealing with emotional meltdowns, being the problem solver, and so much more can leave you feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. But that doesn’t mean the load can’t get lighter. Ways to ease your mental load as a mom can look like delegating tasks that you would like help with, establish routines, or reach out for support.

Mom guilt

Mom guilt may look different to every mom. For me mom guilt is when you want to go do something for yourself but feel like if you go, you’ll miss out or they’ll need you. Mom guilt is also when you’ve played, bathed, and fed your children all day but towards the end of the night when it’s time for bed they start to get all riled up, which causes you to get loud, and then you feel bad for getting loud after you’ve tucked them in and said goodnight. That was a mouth full. Mom guilt can be feeling like you didn’t do enough with them throughout the day and like time got away. You wanna know the secret to conquering mom gulit?

I’ll tell you. It’s doing or stopping whatever you feel guilty of. If you feel guilty for yelling, learn different ways to get your point across without yelling. Now that’s not to say you won’t yell at all, but you can definitely yell less. This can also be spending quality time with them for a certain amount of time each day so that you don’t feel like time got away from you when it’s bedtime. You can help lessen your mom guilt.

Survival Mode

This to can look different for many. But usually means you are on auto pilot. Skating through life not really being able to enjoy the present moment. As a mom we have to make sure a meal is made, the children are learning independence, cleaning, helping everyone achieve their dreams while you push yours to the side. You don’t have the energy to do things that you enjoy because you’ve been cleaning all day, tending to the children, or in the kitchen.

To get out of survival mode recognize that you are in it. Realize that you can control your time to a certain extent. Be okay with the mess, the hard times, and the arguing. Because it will only be here for a moment and you don’t want to look back and really have missed out. Yes, we have to provide, and nurture, and do a lot of different things and it can be exhausting, but it’s only a season. Find time to do things you love, even if it’s making those dishes wait. Enjoy being outside and playing with your children or just watching while you drink your favorite beverage. Because one thing you don’t get back is your time.

The Default Parent

This is a feeling I know all too well. The one who changes the diapers, cares for them when they are sick, does the house chores, while also working part time. Feeling like you are the only one who cares if the house is clean, or that the kids get baths. It seems so minimal but feels like a heavy weight on your chest. Feeling like you have to do so much that you don’t get a chance to just relax. And when you do every blue moon, mom guilt creeps in makes you feel like you should get up and do something.

“How do I become less of the “default” parent?”, you ask. My answer would be to bring it up to your partner and ask if he can help out in other ways to ease the load. To talk with them not argue. If your partner is unwilling to listen or feels like they shouldn’t have to help out, my next advice would be to take it to God. If you are a believer, then you know He can change anyone’s heart and make them step up where needed. Don’t become resentful, continue to serve the best way you know how. Keep bringing it up every now and then. Your partner, if they truly love you, will come around eventually.

Now I’m not saying all of this to complain. I’m saying it to let other mothers like you know that you are not alone. I understand whether you have 1 child or 10 being a mother is a difficult position to hold but a very important one. And even if you don’t feel valued the work you are doing is being seen by our Creator. Remember this is for His glory not yours or anyone else’s. So don’t expect a high five from your husband or a pat on the back from your family. Strive to be the best mom to get your reward in Heaven, because we are doing kingdom work.

Kingdom Work in Motherhood

As mentioned previously motherhood can be defined by many different things. Through your experiences in life, society, and the way you were raised. But one thing that is not talked about when it comes to motherhood is how it is kingdom work. What I mean by this is God (Yahweh) blessed us to be able to bring forth his creation. He entrusts us to nurture, teach, and raise our children to love and know who He is. To be servants and build up His kingdom here on Earth. We are their first love, their first representation of what it means to follow Yahweh.

So, if you are feeling overlooked or unappreciated just know that you are highly valued to the most important entity. Our Lord and Savior.

Yahweh says children are blessings and a reward sent from Him. He also shows certain characteristics of Himself through us such as comfort (Isaiah 66:13), protection, wisdom (Proverbs 31:26) and instruction. We are needed even if the world tries to make us feel like we aren’t.

So don’t let the bad days get you down or the season of motherhood you are in. You are doing a fantastic job! Everything will never be perfect, and there are always things we can work on. But giving our children a happy home filled with love, joy, happiness, and so much more is what really counts. If you really need inspiration Proverbs 31 is a great read.

Conclusion

To say the least this journey through motherhood is not one I would trade for anything else. Motherhood has taught me many things and shows me how to grow more through Yahweh. (God). At times it feels like no one understands what we go through or if we are even valued. When we feel like this, we can always to turn to what our Creator has said we are. Plus remembering that this moment in time will only last so long, will help you get through the tough times. To cherish the good and the bad. To be okay with the fact that everything won’t always be peaches and cream.

If you do need extra help or just some time to yourself talk with your partner, find some girlfriends, other moms, or family that you can get help from. I know it can be hard finding people who will help or maybe you don’t really want to ask. Then make time to find things you love to do while you have your children. It won’t be perfect, but you’ll get to do what you want while showing the babes how to do things you love even when it’s tough.

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